my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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