i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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