Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
