so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
