i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
