so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
