turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
