STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
