Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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