I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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