Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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