Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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