All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
