don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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