Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this boner is exhausting
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
