I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
