I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
