I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
