Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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