You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
