Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how can u be prego again
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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