I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
