I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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