I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
