I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
