So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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