he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
