I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
