i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
