i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
