Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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