i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You pole danced in your parka.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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