I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
