Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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