It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
