quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
