Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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