your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She bit a glass in half.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
