I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
