hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Welp...herpes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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