i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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