Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Come see our sink grown plant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
