He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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