I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
