I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
