she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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