i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
