ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
