pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
