I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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