cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he puts the penis in happiness.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
