I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am available for nakedness
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
