When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
